Why I started this blog

There are many blogs out there trying to help those with the disabling disease, rheumatoid arthritis, but I can't find any where spouses of people with RA can find kindred spirits--those who are in the position of having to care for someone with this insidious disease.

My wife Ann is in the moderate to severe category for this disease. For those who have no idea what RA is, or how it actually affects people, I suggest you visit Rheumatoid Arthritis Warrior. This blog is written by  someone who suffers from RA, and she gives a true picture about what many people, including Ann, go through every day. Needless to say, it's better to be the spouse of someone who has RA, than to have RA ourselves, but being the spouse has its own unique challenges.

One of those challenges is the increased workload. Ann is in so much pain for most of the time, that she can't carry on her normal tasks. I'd say in my case, that where she used to do the bulk of the housework, such as dishes, laundry, general cleaning--that is now my bailiwick. I find it extremely difficult to do that, plus the yard work that needs doing, the cooking, the shopping, in addition to my full-time job. I've found that I just have to prioritize and realize that I can't get it all done and just do what has to be done at any one moment.

Another challenge is the mental challenge of guilt. When my wife is in pain, and I'm perfectly healthy, I feel a certain amount of guilt  for being able to walk up a set of stairs with no problem while she struggles up them in severe pain. I feel guilty for being able to do my normal things I like to do, like hiking.

I guess for me the biggest challenge is having a spouse who feels terrible 90 percent of the time. I don't like my wife hurting. No one ever likes seeing their loved ones incapacitated. There's a feeling of helplessness. I want to try and massage her pains away, but she hurts too much to even be touched sometimes. There's an old Star Trek episode, the original series, in which a woman has the capacity to take on and absorb other people's pain and heal them, albeit at great danger to herself. I would gladly do that for my wife if it were possible. But it isn't, and that's what's most frustrating. I'm so helpless to make her feel better. And her depression deepens as the pain goes on.

So, that's why I started this blog. Hopefully, I can add things from time to time that will help others in coping with this situation.